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A Reminder on Expressing Your Feelings. Do it

Hey there, I won’t even trying to presume to know what you maybe going through at this exact moment. But as you read this, I’m going to assume you want to express your feelings on a number of things.

I’ve noticed something very odd that reinforces itself in life as time passes. We’re almost shamed or rather expected to not share our feelings/emotions. Then we’re treated like heroes/heroines when we express how we feel unapologetically? Well which is it society?

Now, I write this as someone whom generally defaults to a highly positive outlook on life and blah blah. However on social media and the like, to passers by it would seem like I’m very cynical. I assure I am both but that isn’t all of who I am.

The main reason I’m writing this is because I want to remind you — you’re human.

This is to counter all these posts and sentiments of “good vibes only” you see day in and day out. The reality is maybe you or someone close to you is having a day/week/month/etc. Perhaps you don’t have any means of venting or sharing?

Yes, well just go ahead and vent. However you can and want. At no point should you feel guilty for not being happy go lucky. Let’s be honest, there’s A LOT to be concerned about. Now, let’s add this to our own personal lives. This is a combination of yep we all going through something, I know it.

Whenever I speak to a mutual or friend, I leave the opportunity for them to vent, about anything they feel comfortable.

Of course, I’m not a therapist, nor should they do so if they want to keep it private. Point is, the opportunity is there for them. I think we all could do well with maybe 5 minutes of airing out our frustrations?

Yes, everything I’ve said so far is easier said than done for many. Many of us don’t even have the choice or freedom to share those feelings.

We have to protect our images, brand, keep things business, or focus on our niche. Moments of vulnerability, outside of happiness dirties the armor we’ve built. It’s sad but so utterly real. Everything we see now probably is a small percent of honesty.

Now, you’re probably going to ask me what happens if you have too many bad days and etc. Well, yes if you can get professional help for your mental health, that’s important. We all need to speak to a therapist, that shouldn’t be something you should feel bad/guilty about. Again, we’re all human and hopefully we can recognize what we need to function at our personal best.

“I’m doing OK, I mean what’s the point of complaining you know”. In the grand scheme of things…maybe complaining may not change a damn thing. What it may do? Might make you feel better? Even if marginally so. Why not share? Bottling things up isn’t going to help and is hardly healthy as these tends to manifest other problems.

What I wanted to focus on as well is that shaming aspect of society. It’s not something necessarily forced on us but you can see it anywhere. We are indoctrinated to where if we see unhappy emotions it actually means there’s problems. It may not even be that serious but we default to almost automatically.

Do you know how many years it took me to unlearn this? Unless someone admits they have issues, or showing signs of such, I’m just seeing a person be a person. This is what we forget during those performative/robotic greetings at work/home/school/etc. We accept it as normal, that everything is fine with everyone. This is never true, I assure you. What is true is how much each of us is willingly to share.

Why are we made to feel bad for feeling honest? I’m not a psychology analyst, I can’t quote reports and so forth. Maybe many of us aren’t equipped for these spare moment of truth?

These are sometimes sensitive matters however they may not need solving. Or rather we aren’t the ones meant to “answer” them. Again, we have therapists for a reason.

The almost dismissive recognition of feelings short of happiness bothers me profusely. The many reason is that it perpetuates the lie that someone of us aren’t whole/happy/etc and that we maybe “broken”. I’ll spare the obvious facts that our lives are more complicated than astrophysics. I’m just using that as an example — I just wanted to drive the fact that things are complicated.

In the complexities of our lives, we navigate an insurmountable amount of circumstances. Yet, people will stare you in the eye and firmly believe sunshine and rainbows are the settings we should live on at all hours. Let me share a hardy oh to hell with that sentiment.

Yes, being happy is fine and so is sharing that fact. However I’ll be damned to think there’s something wrong with you if you aren’t there for whatever legitimate reason.

If any “friend”, family member, whomever states that your emotions are a negative…take the time to see if they are lying to themselves. With every second, minute, hour, and day we live life isn’t fair. We are often left to hide how we feel to seem like we’re OK.

Well I have bad days? Absolutely. I may or may not share that. When I fight my doubts with impostor syndrome as a writer, will I drop a cryptic tweet or post? No, I’ll be upfront and say that it sucks. Will I tell society how tired I am about injustices and marginalized issues? Pray for it because that is assured like the rising sun.

My point being is I’ll do these things and care little for how I will appear to others. I would hope you do as well.

What I hope for ultimately, is that we allow folks to share whatever the hell they want day in and day out. As long as they aren’t hurting anyone or themselves.

You may not have the opportunity to share how you feel at home. Hell you probably can’t speak about yourself at work. The chat groups you’re in don’t allow you to be real. Your social media accounts don’t allow you to be real because you don’t want to harm your business.

But maybe there’s somewhere you can vent, perhaps multiple places really that’s available.

Regardless of the fact, take the opportunity to share a frustration or two if you need to decompress the day.

If someone wants to tell you how to feel or “regulate” your emotions…tell them to mind their god damn business, you’re expressing a right born to you.

Stay true to yourself above all else.

Written by

I bat for PoCs, marginalized, equality, inclusion & geekdom. I'm warming the bench until coach subs me in.

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