So um, I was thinking of what I wanted to say about World Mental Health Day, which was a week ago.
I want to talk about 1 of the 3 things that linger heavy on my mind: I don't often feel like I'm a "good/talented” writer. Yes I do love it and if you’ve read any of my work...Yo I put in work. But it's complicated…
In this day and age you can't help but compare yourself to others. Or rather you can't help but ask yourself why isn't your work "good" enough. Good enough to be a full time career, good enough to get you recognized by larger media entities, etc. I'm fully aware of the dynamics (networking, lack of diversity, location, etc) with work that is hyper visible.
However, most days I feel like invisible
And yes, you can have a body of work that says you are talented but feeling that way is different. It can be/is mentally draining. I don't need constant validation, I've never needed that. But when your career goals don't align with your current circumstances, that leaves one feeling defeated. Please note: I also have a full time business job that pays well. I would very much rather be a full time writer/journalist.
And I don't want it to seem like I'm not doing anything about these feelings. I always take a step back and ask myself why I feel this way. Then I go back and look at my work and what’s made me proud of it. In all my writing there's an underlying bravado I'm giving you the public. If you can't detect it well...it's there. It's saying only *I* did this *not so humble brag*
I'm ranting but I want other creatives to understand your work may not get the numbers or pay as it should. But that doesn't mean it's not incredible.
It's OK to feel frustrated and angry because you're being honest with yourself. Finally, I would say look into finding professional help if you can, there's nothing wrong with that.
I plan to find a therapist and address my feelings I've expressed here. Also, it's OK to be real & not act like everything is fine with your career. It helps keep the mind clear and your career trajectory in focus.